Big Girl Panties Diaries - Entry#44: The F Word (No, Not That One — Forgiveness)
Let’s talk about the other F word: Forgiveness. The one that feels heavier than a grudge but somehow makes your shoulders drop ten pounds once you finally manage it.
I used to think forgiveness was a gift I gave to someone else — a nice, tidy “I release you from the hurt you caused me.” Cue halo. Cue martyr vibes. Cue resentment seeping in when they didn’t even say thank you.
But here’s what no one told me: Forgiveness isn’t about them. It’s about me. It’s about refusing to let my nervous system be hijacked by someone else’s crap. It’s about unclenching my jaw when I think of that person — you know the one — who said or did the thing that still echoes when I’m driving alone.
Forgiving Me for Being Me
And sometimes — let’s be real — the hardest person to forgive is me. Past me. The version of me who didn’t know better or did know better and did it anyway. The one who stayed too long, didn’t speak up, bit my tongue, overextended, people-pleased, or settled.
My inner critic loves to keep receipts. She’ll dig up a mistake from five years ago and slap it in my face like it happened this morning. So yeah — self-forgiveness is a Big Girl Panties muscle too. One I’m still building, rep by rep.
Workplace Grudges: The Silent Morale Killer
Grudges don’t clock out when you clock in. They lurk under your desk. That coworker who threw you under the bus? The boss who micromanaged you into burnout? The colleague who ‘forgot’ to mention you did half the work on that big win?
We drag those resentments from meeting to meeting like sour security blankets. Here’s the thing: forgiveness at work doesn’t mean pretending it didn’t happen. It means addressing it, learning from it, and refusing to let it poison every future team project. Your emotional square footage is expensive real estate — don’t lease it to people who don’t pay rent.
Boundaries & Forgiveness: The Power Duo
Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. It doesn’t mean you invite them back in. Boundaries and forgiveness are best friends. One clears out the rot; the other keeps the door locked to repeat offenders.
Boundaries are the bouncer at the club — forgiveness just clears your guest list of toxic VIPs.
The Apology You’ll Never Get
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you get the apology. Or the closure. Or the satisfying, dramatic, tearful confession you secretly rehearse in the shower. Sometimes it never comes — and you have to forgive anyway.
Like I wrote back in Entry #5: The Apology You’ll Never Get — you can spend forever waiting for sorry… or you can reclaim that energy for something better. That’s how you get your peace back.
Forgiveness Is Not a One-and-Done Deal
Some days I’m all “Namaste, I forgive you.” Other days I’m rage-texting my bestie about it like it just happened yesterday. Forgiveness isn’t linear. It’s wobbly, weird, and sometimes it gets stuck in your throat. You’re not failing if you’re not Zen 24/7 — you’re human. Keep practicing. Your peace is worth the reps.
Little Mic Drops for Your Back Pocket
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Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for them to die.
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Sometimes forgiveness sounds like silence — the absence of rehashing.
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My peace is worth more than my pride.
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I forgive you. Doesn’t mean you get access to me.
A Quick BGP Forgiveness Exercise
So, who’s still taking up rent-free space in your mind? Write their name down. Say it out loud. Forgive them — for you, not them. Shred the paper. Breathe. Do it again tomorrow if you need to.
Big Girl Panties Rule: You don’t forgive them for them. You forgive them for you. And if the apology never comes? That’s fine — your peace doesn’t need their permission slip.
Want more on letting go of what you’ll never get? Read Entry #5: The Apology You’ll Never Get — it’s your reminder that closure is yours to claim. 💪