Big Girl Panties Diaries - Entry #32: Zen(ish) and Still Standing: How We Navigate Overwhelm Together
I wish I could tell you I handle overwhelm gracefully — that I take a deep breath, make a color-coded plan, and emerge like some zen productivity goddess. Nope. Not always. Sometimes, I handle overwhelm by panicking, over-caffeinating, and trying to do seventeen things at once while typing “I’m fine!” in an email to my boss.
But here’s the thing about overwhelm: it’s a liar. It tells you everything is equally urgent. It tells you you’re failing at things you haven’t even started yet. It tells you that rest is irresponsible and asking for help will make you look incompetent.
And here’s the thing about me (and maybe you too): I’m learning not to believe it — at home and at work.
I wrote recently about leading through ambiguity — that blurry, shifting space where we’re asked to steer the ship even when we can’t see the whole map. Overwhelm is ambiguity’s clingy sidekick: it thrives when life doesn’t look like you thought it would.
Take my daughter, Hailey. She’ll be a senior this fall, but for the past three years, her chronic illness has kept her from attending school full time between Halloween and Memorial Day. Try planning college around that. Right now, I’m helping her look for a job or volunteer work — but it’s not easy. She can’t do manual labor. She doesn’t always feel well. She’s brilliant and compassionate, but “unreliable” in ways a lot of employers don’t understand.
But she wants to help. She dreams of working in the medical field someday — helping others with long COVID and chronic conditions. Because she gets it.
Supporting her has made me rethink how I lead through overwhelm. If I’ve learned anything from Hailey, it’s that real resilience doesn’t always look tough — sometimes it looks like asking for help, pausing when you need to, or trying again tomorrow.
Turns out, the path you didn’t plan for can teach you more than the one you did. Sometimes, it’s not you — it’s the system that needs fixing, too. The workforce needs to grow up. It shouldn’t take perfect health or 24/7 stamina to be valuable. What if we normalized a little more flexibility, grace, and trust? Not just for our kids, but for each other.
And a reminder for all of us: you don’t always know what someone’s carrying behind their TEAMS smile or cubicle wall. Overwhelm is sneaky like that.
So when the swirl of “too much” hits — whether you’re the CEO, the parent advocate, or both — here’s what I do (or try to do):
✅ Breathe. Feel your feet on the floor. You’re here.
✅ Dump it out. Write it down. Make the “everything” finite.
✅ Ask what’s truly urgent. Not everything is a fire drill — at work or at home.
✅ Loop someone in. Say, “I need help.” Or, “I’m stuck.” Or, “Can you listen?”
✅ Rest anyway. You don’t earn rest by burning out. You earn it by being human.
✅ Roll out the mat. My yoga practice is my secret weapon. It’s not about fancy poses — it’s about coming home to my breath when my brain won’t stop spinning. Some days it’s an hour of sweaty flow. Some days it’s just child’s pose on my bedroom floor. Yoga taught me you can’t outrun your feelings — you can only breathe through them and trust your body to show you the way back to calm.
And when you wonder if it’s worth it? Think about your future self. Every time I’ve pushed through overwhelm without pause, future-me pays the interest — in mistakes, burnout, or resentment. Hailey will help others one day because she’s walking this unexpected path now. Your story isn’t less meaningful because it’s different — it might be exactly what someone else needs.
Big Girl Panties Rule:
When overwhelm feels like an ocean, find your lifeboats: a breath, a list, a friend, your mat, a pause. Keep paddling. Overwhelm is loud, but your heart — and your breath — are louder.
What about you?
What helps you breathe when life or work feels too big? And if you know of flexible, meaningful opportunities for a smart, compassionate teen who wants to help others with long COVID — I’m all ears. One day, she’ll help someone else find their footing in the messy middle. And I’ll know every detour taught us both how to keep going.
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