Big Girl Panties Diaries - Entry #33: The Fortress I Built (And Why It’s Coming Down)

If building emotional walls were a job, I’d have tenure. One rejection? Brick. A betrayal? Mortar that baby in. A disappointment that knocked me sideways? Let’s add a whole watchtower — we’ll call it “never again.”

The truth is, I didn’t build this fortress overnight. Every brick had a reason: protecting my heart, my peace, my sense of control. It made sense at the time — when you’ve been blindsided enough times, you learn to stay on guard. And for a while, it worked. My fortress kept out the letdowns that stung too much to repeat. But here’s the catch: it also kept out the good stuff. The warmth, the connection, the vulnerable “me too” moments that make love and friendship worth the risk.

The cost of these walls is real. They make you so “strong” you forget how to let people in. They keep you safe — and lonely. They protect you from hurt — and rob you of real closeness.

And they show up everywhere:

• In friendship, where you stay surface-level instead of admitting “I’m not okay.”

• In family, where you avoid hard truths because conflict feels like a wrecking ball.

And, yes, at work too — where they keep you “professional” but disconnected, “independent” but isolated. I once sat in a project meeting where every single person behind the table was hiding behind their own walls. We were polite. We were professional. We were doomed. Because you can’t build trust through a fortress.

The twist? Sometimes we forget these walls keep us locked in as much as they keep others out. And sometimes the people we’re protecting ourselves from are the ones who want to help us carry the load — but we never give them the chance.

I remember the first time someone said, “I don’t know either — let’s figure it out together.” A tiny brick fell out of my fortress that day. Trust isn’t built through perfection; it’s built through the messy, honest, “I see you — all of you — and I’m still here.”

These days, I’m inspecting my fortress. Asking:

• Is this brick still serving me?

• Is it a healthy boundary — or a prison I built myself?

• What’s one window I could crack open, just a little?

Start small. Tell the truth to a friend. Ask for help instead of pretending you’re fine. Let your “I’ve got it all together” mask slip — and see who loves you anyway.

Big Girl Panties Rule: Boundaries protect you. Walls isolate you. A fortress with no door is just a prison — and you hold the keys.