Big Girl Panties Diaries, Entry #13: I Stopped Waiting for a Hero and Adjusted My Crown Instead

Leadership & The Human...Relationships & Bounda...Calmfidence

Jun 13

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For a long time, I believed in the quiet hustle.

Work hard. Stay composed. Don’t ask for too much. Don’t rock the boat. Keep everyone comfortable—even if you're quietly drowning in the process.

I told myself it was strength. Maturity. Leadership.

In reality? It was the slow drip of self-abandonment dressed up as responsibility. I was the capable one. The go-to. The fixer. And, if I’m being really honest, I was waiting to be rescued.

Not in the fairytale way, with a white horse and a sparkly ball gown—but in the more insidious professional way:

Waiting for someone to notice I was doing the work of three people.
Waiting for someone to say, "You’ve earned this. You matter."
Waiting for someone to step in when I was overwhelmed.

They didn’t.

Not because they didn’t care. But because I never said a word. I was too busy looking strong.

And that’s when it hit me: I had to stop waiting for a hero and adjust my crown instead.

The Leadership Myth No One Talks About

There’s this unspoken belief, especially for women in leadership, that if you just keep doing the right thing—calmly, competently, and without complaint—someone will eventually swoop in and reward you.

But leadership isn’t about being rescued. It’s about leading yourself first.

That means noticing when the weight you’re carrying isn’t noble anymore—it’s just unnecessary. It means naming your needs. Asking for help. Setting boundaries. And most importantly—it means asking for what you want.

Because here’s the truth: no one can read your mind. People want to support you, but they need clarity. They can’t give you what you never say out loud.

Moments I’ll Never Forget

I remember sitting in many strategy meetings, watching a project quietly derail. It wasn’t mine to own, but I could see where it was headed. I waited—hoping someone else would step in, course-correct, say what needed to be said.

They didn’t. And I didn’t either.

Later, I was frustrated—not with them, but with myself. Not because I didn’t have the insight, but because I still believed that if I just kept being helpful, someone would invite me into the conversation I was already equipped to lead.

That was the moment I knew: Silence doesn’t earn you respect. It earns you more silence.

The Hidden Cost of Waiting

Waiting quietly cost me energy, credibility, and sometimes… opportunity. The more I made it look effortless, the less people understood the effort.

That crown? It was slipping, and no one noticed—because I made sure they didn’t.

We’re taught that over-functioning is virtuous. That being “the rock” makes us reliable. But when your strength becomes your silence, you start to disappear in your own story.

When I Finally Adjusted My Crown…

I stopped staying late just to prove I could handle it all.
I started speaking up when the workload was unrealistic.
I redefined what leadership looked like—not just output, but modeling sustainability, clarity, and grace under pressure.
And most importantly, I stopped expecting people to read my mind. I started asking for what I wanted—clearly, directly, and unapologetically.

I used to think asking made me look needy. Now I believe the opposite is true: People respect clarity. They respond to decisiveness. And they can’t support what they don’t know you need.

A Note to Leaders

If you’re in a position of power, ask yourself:

Who on your team is quietly carrying more than their share?
Who is performing emotional labor that no one named or acknowledged?
Who’s waiting to be seen because they’ve been trained to stay silent?

Leadership isn't just about casting vision. It’s about noticing what’s unspoken—and making space for people to lead out loud.

Don’t wait until someone burns out to affirm their brilliance. Remind them now: the crown was never supposed to be invisible.

Adjust Your Crown: A Toolkit for Self-Leadership

If this hit a nerve (or a crown-chakra), here are four small but mighty moves:

Say it sooner. Speak up before burnout becomes your baseline.
Set one boundary this week. Protect your peace like it’s your job—because it is.
Ask clearly. For help, for credit, for clarity. No hinting, no guilt.
Model it. Let others see you lead with boundaries, not just bandwidth.

Because maybe you’re not the damsel. Maybe you’re not the dragon. Maybe you’re the one wearing the crown—and it’s time the world sees it.

Last night, I had the privilege of seeing SIX on Broadway—a fierce, funny, feminist remix of history. Six women stepped forward, reclaimed their voices, and reminded us that power doesn’t come from waiting to be chosen.

It comes from knowing who you are, saying what you want, and refusing to shrink.

Big Girl Panties Diaries Rule: If the crown feels heavy, you're probably wearing it right. Just don’t forget—you’re allowed to ask for a break and adjust it mid-meeting.

So, straighten your crown. Speak your truth. And take up space.

You were never meant to be saved. You were meant to lead.

👑 #BigGirlPantiesDiaries #WomenInLeadership #AuthenticityAtWork #Resilience #SIXTheMusical #BurnoutRecovery #SelfLeadership #Leadership