Big Girl Panties Diaries - Entry #14 Swipe Left, Universe: Rejection in the Workplace and Beyond
There’s a certain kind of silence that feels louder than a no.
Not chosen. Not called. Not even acknowledged. Just... left to do the emotional math on your own.
I’ve written about ghosting before—like in Entry #7, when my career disappeared almost overnight. That moment cracked something open in me. It was grief, yes—but also clarity.
Lately, I’ve been reflecting on the sting. Not because it’s fresh—but because it’s familiar. And I’ve found myself in conversations with close friends about rejection—in relationships, in job searches, in small, subtle moments that still manage to shake our confidence. The theme keeps surfacing: why it hurts, how we react, and what it reveals about what we truly need.
Let me be clear: this isn’t about my current job. I’m grateful to be in a role where I feel seen and valued. But rejection has a way of showing up in unexpected places—an opportunity that never materialized, an idea that went nowhere, a conversation that quietly ended before it really began.
No dramatic breakups. No closed-door meetings. Just a slow fade into irrelevance.
Rejection in the Workplace (and Beyond)
Sometimes rejection is loud—like a layoff. Sometimes it’s a little more passive-aggressive—like being left off a meeting invite or a group chat that somehow didn’t include you. Sometimes it’s a ghosting wrapped in professional courtesy: “Thanks so much for your interest.”
And sometimes, rejection comes dressed up as silence. No response is a response. And that stings.
Because it’s not just about the opportunity. It’s about what it feels like to not be seen. To not be picked. To not matter.
And sometimes, it’s subtle—but deeply cutting.
Have you ever been chatting at a networking event—halfway through explaining what you do—when the other person literally turns and walks away to greet someone “more important”? Instant gut-punch. No formal goodbye, no “Let’s connect later,” just a mid-sentence exit. That tiny moment can feel as sharp as any formal rejection letter. It tells your nervous system: You’re not worth their time. But here’s the reframe: their abrupt swivel says more about their manners (or lack thereof) than your value. When someone walks away mid-sentence, you’ve just learned who isn’t worthy of your energy—fast.
The Mental Spiral Is Real
Rejection comes in many forms. Sometimes it’s subtle—a delayed reply, a lukewarm response, an unreturned call. Other times it’s definitive: a “we’re moving forward with another candidate” or “you’re not the right fit.” But no matter how it shows up, rejection has a way of tapping into our most vulnerable places.
And here’s the truth: no one’s really good at being rejected.
Even the people who say, “It’s fine, I’m fine,” often feel the sting later—in over analysis, self-doubt, or quiet withdrawal. Why? Because rejection challenges something primal: our need to belong. When we feel excluded or dismissed, our nervous system treats it like a threat. It’s not just emotional—it’s biological.
Some of us shut down. Some of us get loud. Some of us scramble to prove our worth. Some of us pretend it didn’t matter.
And most of us carry it longer than we’d like to admit.
But understanding that response is part of reclaiming our power. When we know that rejection isn’t proof of inadequacy—but a normal, human reaction to disconnection—we can stop internalizing it as failure. We can start asking better questions: What did I learn? What does this make room for? And how can I show up for myself better next time?
Redirection, Not Ruin
Rejection isn’t always about failure. Sometimes it’s just about fit. And maybe the places that no longer want your voice aren’t equipped to handle what you’ve grown into.
It’s not personal, even when it feels deeply personal. The truth is:
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The meeting that didn’t happen saved me from wasted effort.
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The project I didn’t get freed up space for something better.
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The silence gave me time to hear my own voice again.
What I Know Now
I’m learning to stop forcing what isn’t meant for me. To stop interpreting every no as a character flaw. To stop assigning meaning to silence that doesn’t deserve it.
And if I’m being honest, this lesson isn’t just professional.
I’ve had moments —where I had to confront the gap between what I hoped for and what was actually unfolding. I won’t name names, but let’s just say: the version in my head and the reality on the ground didn’t match. That kind of disappointment can be disorienting. But it’s also clarifying. I've said this before, sometimes we need to change manage ourselves.
Sometimes, not getting picked is the universe protecting your peace. Or, at the very least, pushing you toward something that won’t make you fight so hard to be seen.
Big Girl Panties Diaries Rule:
When the universe pulls back, pay attention. You’re not being erased—you’re being rerouted.
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