Julie in Wonderland: Control Is a Myth

What falling, consulting, and leading through change taught me about letting go...

No one tells you this part.

When you fall down the rabbit hole, there’s no grabbing the edges. No emergency brake. No rewind button. No “just kidding, I’d like to go back to five minutes ago.”

Alice didn’t know that when she leaned forward.

She thought she was curious. She didn’t realize curiosity sometimes turns into freefall.

And here’s the thing no one puts in the fairy tales: There is no way to stop the falling.

I know this because I’ve tried.

I remember the moment I realized I was falling. Not dramatically. Not publicly. Quietly sitting at my kitchen table, laptop closed, tea cold, comfy clothes on staring at a version of my calendar that no longer existed.

I kept telling myself I just needed a plan. A next step. A tighter grip.

What I actually needed was permission to stop pretending I wasn’t already in midair.

If you want the backstory on my complicated relationship with control, this chapter says it best: Big Girl Panties Diaries – Entry #27: Control Freak Chic — My Favorite Illusion.

I see it now in how I’ve been exploring this whole consulting thing—trying things on, testing paths, asking “Is this it?” more times than I’ll admit.

I thought if I stayed busy enough, strategic enough, intentional enough, I could dictate the outcome.

Turns out, the tightest grip doesn’t create certainty.

Letting things unfold does.

We work so hard to control the ending— forgetting we were never in charge of gravity.

And if you’re curious how this “letting it unfold” has been showing up in real time while I explore this whole consulting chapter, I wrote about it here: Big Girl Panties Diaries – Entry #121: So… How’s the Consulting Thing Going? Currently Wearing Industrial-Strength Confidence.

The falling comes when something ends before you’re ready. Or when something starts that you didn’t plan for. Or when the version of your life you were standing on suddenly… isn’t there anymore.

Jobs. Identities. Relationships. Health. Certainty.

Pick your portal.

And this isn’t just personal.

This is exactly what transformation feels like inside organizations, too.

Leaders announce a change, and everyone nods like they’re standing on solid ground— while privately bracing for the drop.

Old roles dissolve. Systems shift. Expectations move faster than capability.

People keep asking for clarity when what they’re really craving is stability.

If you’re leading in that space and thinking, “Yes—this is exactly it,” you might recognize these patterns from another chapter I wrote: Big Girl Panties Diaries – Entry #12: Leading Through Ambiguity (Without Losing Your Mind or Your Panties).

Here’s what I’ve learned working inside these moments:

You can’t rush people out of the fall. And you can’t spreadsheet your way around gravity.

The work isn’t stopping the descent. The work is helping people accept where they are long enough to orient themselves— so they can move forward without panic.

What Alice didn’t know—but eventually learned—is that fighting the fall only makes it louder.

The real shift happens at acceptance.

Not the Instagram-quote kind. Not the “everything happens for a reason” nonsense.

I’m talking about the quiet, exhale kind of acceptance. The moment you stop trying to control gravity.

Because once you accept that you’re falling, something unexpected happens.

You notice things.

The way the air moves. The thoughts you’ve been avoiding. The stuff you were clinging to that was never really holding you anyway.

You stop wasting energy trying to climb back to a place that no longer exists.

And slowly—very slowly—you realize this isn’t a punishment.

It’s a passage.

The rabbit hole doesn’t drop you where you were. It drops you where you’re meant to arrive—even if you don’t recognize the landscape yet.

If you’re leading through change right now, here’s the uncomfortable truth:

Your people aren’t resisting the future. They’re resisting the feeling of falling without a net.

And the fastest way to lose trust is to pretend the ground hasn’t moved.

Acceptance didn’t make the fall graceful. It made it survivable.

And eventually—manageable. And eventually—transformative.

Alice didn’t come out of Wonderland the same.

Neither do we.

And maybe that’s the point.

And here’s the part no one tells you while you’re falling:

Sometimes you don’t land where you aimed. You land somewhere better.

Not easier. Not neater. But more honest.

Wonderland isn’t chaos for chaos’ sake. It’s what happens when you stop forcing the story and let it unfold.

I couldn’t have planned this chapter if I tried. The people. The work. The confidence that showed up once I stopped chasing certainty.

This life—this version of me— is different than what I imagined.

And somehow… it fits better.

That’s the magic of the rabbit hole.

You don’t fall into loss. You fall into possibility.

BGPD Rule: Falling isn’t failure. It’s what happens when growth outpaces certainty. Acceptance is how leaders—and humans—turn freefall into possibility.

(And if you're on a similar journey through your own portal - welcome to Wonderland!)