Big Girl Panties Diaries — Entry #122: Along for the Ride (I Did Not Buy This Ticket)

Change & UncertaintyEmotional ResilienceCalmfidence
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There are seasons where you feel like the driver of your own life. Hands on the wheel. Clear destination. GPS locked in.

And then there are seasons like this one.

Where something shifts—quietly, unexpectedly—and suddenly you’re no longer driving. You’re sitting in the passenger seat, watching the road curve ahead, unsure what’s coming next.

This season involves my daughter Anna.

I’ve written openly before about my daughter Hailey's health journey with Long Covid. This chapter is different. It’s a different kind of waiting—and a different kind of fear. Right now, we’re in the space between appointments and follow-ups. Between reassurance and the voice that whispers what if.

The hardest part isn’t the logistics. It’s the waiting.

The fear of the unknown has a way of sneaking into ordinary moments. It shows up in the car ride that’s a little quieter than usual. In the pause before answering, “How are things?” In the breath you take before opening an email, a portal, a test result.

Anna has lived alongside her sister’s illness for a long time. Anyone who has watched someone they love struggle knows that experience leaves a mark. Kids carry more than we realize—sometimes quietly, sometimes in ways that take time to surface.

To be clear, Anna’s health concerns are not caused by watching her sister be sick. What she has carried is the emotional reality of loving someone through uncertainty—something many siblings experience quietly.

If you’re parenting through uncertainty—especially when one child has already carried more than their share—please know you’re not imagining how heavy that is.

When you don’t have answers, your mind fills in the gaps. And those stories are rarely kind.

I’m relearning—again—that control is mostly an illusion. When certainty disappears, all that’s left is presence. Showing up. Loving fiercely. Paying attention. Doing the next right thing, even when the bigger picture refuses to come into focus.

Waiting doesn’t mean nothing is happening. It means the work has shifted inward.

So, this is where I am right now. Along for the ride.

Some moments I’m steady. Some moments I’m holding my breath. Others I’m reminding myself—out loud—that being here, fully, is still an action. Even when clarity is not an option.

What surprises me most is how universal this feeling is. I see it not just in life, but in the organizations I work with every day.

The hardest moments at work aren’t usually the big announcements or the decisions themselves. They’re the in-between spaces—the waiting rooms of change. When people hear, “We’re looking into it,” or “More to come,” or “Nothing is final yet,” and are asked to keep showing up, producing, leading, and staying calm while living inside uncertainty.

Just like in life, it’s not change that rattles people most. It’s not knowing where they are on the road.

Whether it’s a family or a workplace, uncertainty doesn’t ask for more toughness or forced optimism. It asks for honesty. For presence. For permission to say, this part is hard—without being rushed to silver linings or solutions.

I’m grateful for doctors who listen, for pauses that let us catch our breath, and for the quiet strength kids show when they don’t yet have the words.

If you’re in a season of not knowing—about your family, your health, your work, or what comes next—you’re not behind. You’re not failing. You’re human.

And sometimes leadership—at home or at work—looks less like steering and more like sitting with uncertainty without pretending it’s easy.

For now, I’m here. Still loving. Still showing up. Still along for the ride.

For this moment, that’s enough.

BGPD Rule: You don’t have to understand the road to stay on it.

For now, I’m holding the details close and will share more as things unfold. Thank you for the kindness—and for respecting that.

If you’re in a season of “I don’t know yet,” you might also like:

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Output Optional. Presence Required. (The Work That Doesn’t Show Up on a To-Do List)
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Julie in Wonderland: Control Is a Myth