Big Girl Panties Diaries - Entry #3 I See You: Stop Using My Kindness Like a Promo Code
Let’s talk about trust—and the price of ignoring your gut.
I’ve always prided myself on being kind. Empathetic. Helpful. A team player. The type of person who believes in second chances and positive intent. But somewhere along the line, I realized people were applying my kindness like a promo code—for discounts they didn’t deserve.
I’ve had that experience—the slow unraveling of a relationship that looked solid on the outside but was hollow underneath. The person showed up with charm, connection, and all the right words. They mirrored my values, said what I wanted to hear, and made it easy to believe they were the real deal.
But over time, the mask fell off.
What was promised didn’t match what was delivered. Commitments faded. The spin—and outright lies—replaced the truth. And I was left questioning not just them, but myself. How did I miss the signs? Why did I override my gut? Who else can I actually trust?
And the question that haunted me the most: How can I prevent this from ever happening again?
The truth is, I see people. I mean really see them. But for a long time, I didn’t trust what I saw. I gave too much grace. I excused red flags. I confused potential for character. I confused charm for substance. And when someone showed me who they were—I stayed busy rewriting the narrative instead of rewriting the boundary.
In the workplace, it’s the boss who “yeses” you to your face but ghosts your project behind closed doors. It’s the colleague who borrows your brilliance and returns it with a fresh coat of ego. It’s the leader who says “transparency is our value” while holding meetings in the corporate version of Narnia.
And in your personal life? It’s the friend who drains you with her drama, then disappears when you need backup. The one who says, “I’ve got your back,”—but only when the spotlight’s on. The kind who signs in for the full-access kindness plan without paying the emotional subscription fee.
I’m a reformed people pleaser. I still lead with heart—but not at the expense of my sanity. I’ve learned to pause when my intuition whispers “this doesn’t feel right.” Because usually? It’s right.
Cue Kelly Clarkson. I didn’t exactly rise from the ashes in full mascara like Behind These Hazel Eyes, but the emotional plot twist was on brand.
One important note:
This story isn’t about one person—it’s about a pattern. If you’re reading this and wondering if it’s about you—it’s not. Truly. I’ve had a lot of conversations lately—some hard, some healing—that helped me realize how common these dynamics are. This piece is about the collective experience. The moments that taught me to stop overriding my instincts and start honoring them.
I’m learning to hold space for both: my lived experiences and the good intentions of others. They can exist at the same time.
Here’s what I know now:
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Kindness is not a promo code. It’s not a coupon to be exploited. It’s an act of generosity—and it comes with terms and conditions.
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Trust is built by doing what you say you’ll do. No spin, no performative promises.
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I trust my instincts now—even the whispery, inconvenient ones.
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I let people earn access. No more handing out all-access passes to those who haven’t even earned a day pass.
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Charm wears off. Consistency sticks.
So yes—I see you. The spin. The smiles. The curated character. But more importantly? I see me. And I trust her more than ever.
#BigGirlPantiesDiaries#TrustYourGut#Boundaries#EmotionalIntelligence#ReformedPeoplePleaser#LeadershipLessons#SelfWorth#ProtectYourPeace