Big Girl Panty Diaries - Entry #20: The Finish Line Keeps Moving (And So Do I)
I don’t know who first taught me that perfection was the price of admission — but they’d be pleased to know I internalized it beautifully.
My standards for myself are like a finish line that packs up and sprints ahead every time I get close. Good? Not good enough. Great? Could be better. Done? Well, did you do it flawlessly, with grace, a smile, and no emotional residue? Then it doesn’t count.
It’s exhausting being the project manager of my own impossible expectations. And yet… here I am, clipboard in hand, checking off boxes no one else can even see.
Nobody Asked
The real kicker? Nobody asked me to do half the things I scold myself for not doing “well enough.”
Nobody asked me to handle every crisis calmly. Nobody asked me to always know the right words when my kids are hurting. Nobody asked me to keep my house so tidy it could double as a model home while working 50 hours a week and showing up for everyone else’s needs.
It shows up at work, too — the quiet voice that says your presentation could’ve been sharper, your leadership could’ve been stronger, your inbox could be emptier (ha). Good luck outrunning that.
Gold Stars Are a Gateway Drug
Pretty sure my inner overachiever was born the first time I got a gold star in kindergarten. Turns out gold stars are a gateway drug — once you taste them, you start moving your own finish line just to earn more.
A Real Moment
I still remember collapsing onto the couch one Thursday night — to-do list done, dinner cleaned up, kids safe, inbox tamed. I’d done it all. Instead of pride, my brain whispered: “You forgot that one email.” Rest revoked. Finish line moved.
The Cost
What does this constant sprint cost me? Presence, joy, my sanity on some days. How many small good moments have I missed because I was too busy scanning the horizon for the next thing to fix?
Reader Check: What’s Yours?
What’s the finish line you keep moving? Your body? Your inbox? Your parenting? Your relationship? Be honest. You probably have a clipboard too.
Moving Finish Lines Break You
This finish line fantasy isn’t motivating — it’s exhausting. You chase a version of “enough” that can’t exist because your standards mutate faster than your capacity to meet them.
And the real tragedy? When you live like this long enough, you forget how to rest. Even when you deserve it. Even when you need it. Rest becomes another thing you feel guilty for not doing “right.”
The Runner’s Irony
Quite ironically, I am a runner — but a very slow runner. I always say I have one speed, but I can go forever.
And the best part of any race? It’s that moment when you see the finish line in the distance — you know you’ve done the work, you’ve got this, and you can just… cruise it in.
That’s what real rest should feel like. Not another sprint. Not another standard to meet. Just the sweet relief of enough.
What I’m Learning (Slowly, Grudgingly)
Sometimes I catch that voice and say: “Thanks for your concern. I’m not a machine. I’m a human — and a tired one at that.”
Sometimes I even let myself stop mid-race, tie that finish line down with duct tape, and take a nap right on top of it. It’s not perfect. Neither am I.
At this point, my finish line has its own Apple watch — just to stay one step ahead of me.
A Tiny How-To
Sometimes it’s as small as closing my laptop at 7 PM and calling that good enough. Or reminding my kids — and myself — we don’t have to earn rest. It’s our birthright. And then there is the good old - whatever it is - it will be waiting for you tomorrow - yay! (But it will look a little better after a good night's sleep)
Big Girl Panties Diaries Rule:
Your standards are a moving finish line — you don’t have to keep running after it. And remember: Rest is not a prize for winning the impossible game. Rest is the reason you can keep going.
If you need permission, here it is: stop chasing for a minute. There’s room on this finish line for both of us — shoes off, clipboard dropped. Rest, messy and all.
#BigGirlPantyDiaries #Perfectionism #WorkLifeBalance #SelfCompassion #Leadership #RestIsProductive #ChangeLeadership