Big Girl Panties Diaries — Entry #1 What 35 Doctors (and One Boss) Taught Me About Finding My Voice
(Originally published May 2025 — Relaunched to mark where it all began
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I didn’t expect to become fluent in difficult conversations. But when life throws you into the deep end, you either tread water—or you learn how to speak from the middle of it.
Three years. Thirty-five doctors. My daughter, then only 14, was hit with long COVID—and we had no idea it would change everything. Her body stopped cooperating. Fatigue became constant. Her nervous system, gut, and brain—once reliable—now needed a daily plan just to function. She was dismissed by experts, misunderstood by educators, and visibly invisible to systems that didn’t yet recognize long COVID as a real, debilitating illness.
I quickly realized: if I didn’t use my voice, she wouldn’t be seen.
And I’ve been speaking up ever since.
From Exam Rooms to Boardrooms
While advocating for her, I was still leading in a demanding corporate role—guiding senior leaders through high-stakes transformation. And in both settings, the skill set was the same: clarity, courage, and compassion in the moments that mattered most.
That voice wasn’t always strong. But it was steady. And it was shaped by a lesson I learned early in my career—when a former boss walked into a particularly brutal meeting and later told me, “I had to put my big girl panties on.”
The phrase stuck with me. Years later, it became a running joke among my friends—“You’ve got so many pairs of big girl panties on, you can’t sit down.” We laughed. But it was also true.
The Framework I Needed: VOICE
Over time, I realized I needed something more than a pep talk. I needed a structure to hold me steady when emotions ran high. That’s when I developed the VOICE framework—a tool I now teach others navigating their own hard conversations.
Step What It Helps You Do
V – Visualize Your Goal What do you actually want from this conversation?
O – Open to Perspective What might they be thinking or feeling?
I – Interpret Feelings & Facts What happened vs. how it felt—can you separate the two?
C – Communicate Thoughtfully Use “I” statements. Say what you need. Stay calm, not cold.
E – Evaluate If It’s Needed Ask: Is now the time? Will this move things forward?
Today, I’m Headed to ACMP Chicago
I’m on my way to speak to a room full of change and transformation leaders at the Association of Change Managers Conference—sharing this story, this framework, and this truth: We don’t just lead change through strategy. We lead it through conversation.
And I’m not going alone.
My 12-year-old daughter—who’s been my anchor during all of this—helped design the VOICE checklist handout I’ll be using in my session. She said, “If you’re going to teach people how to say hard things, it should look good too.”
She was right.
Introducing: The Big Girl Panty Diaries
This is the first entry in a series of reflections and real-life tools for anyone who's ever felt overwhelmed, underestimated, or just plain exhausted by the weight of saying what needs to be said.
Not polished. Not perfect. But brave. And clear.
BGPD Rule #1: When you find your voice, use it—especially when it shakes.
If you’ve ever had to speak up for someone you love—or for the version of yourself you’re still becoming—I hope you’ll follow along.
Drop a comment or share your own #BigGirlPantyDiaries moment. I see you. And I’d love to hear your voice, too.
#BigGirlPantyDiaries #LongCOVIDAwareness #ACMP2025 #VOICEFramework #LeadershipWithHeart #ToughConversations #ChangeManagement #ClearAndKind