Big Girl Panties Diaries – Entry #94 Confessions of a Words-of-Affirmation Girl: Thank You Matters

I’m a words of affirmation girl. You could hand me a gift card, buy me lunch, or send me flowers, but honestly? Tell me “thank you” and mean it—and I’ll move mountains for you. (If you’ve been around a while, you know I’ve written about how love languages show up at work too — Entry #8: Say It, Show It, Mean It: A Love Language Survival Guide for Work).

The thing is, those two little words aren’t just my love language. They’re a leadership language. In the workplace, they’re often the most underused tool we’ve got. We save our gratitude for annual reviews, big project launches, or when HR reminds us it’s “Employee Appreciation Day.” But daily, authentic thank yous? Those get lost in the shuffle.

And here’s the cost: silence. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve poured myself into a project, delivered under pressure, or stayed late to cover for someone else—only to hear nothing. No acknowledgment, no recognition, not even a passing “Hey, I see you.” Nothing will make you question your value faster.

On the flip side, I can still remember the one colleague who looked me in the eye and said, “Thank you for speaking up in that meeting—it took guts, and it changed the conversation.” That sentence took ten seconds to say. But it bought loyalty that lasted years.

Gratitude isn’t fluff. It’s brain science. A genuine “thank you” literally releases dopamine and oxytocin—the chemicals that tell our brains this is good, keep doing it. It makes people feel safe, seen, and willing to keep showing up. Which, if you’re leading through change, is exactly what you need. When you’re asking people to give up the way they’ve worked for 20 years, “thank you for trying” goes further than another SAP acronym.

And let’s be real: not all thank yous count. “Thanks in advance” = do this or else. “Thx” at 11:47 PM on Teams? Hard pass. A blanket “thanks, team” in an email? Nice try, but no. I’m talking about the kind that lands. The kind that names the effort:

• “Thank you for getting that project across the finish line.”

• “Thank you for staying late when I know you had somewhere else to be.”

• “Thank you for speaking up when it wasn’t easy.”

Raises and perks fade. Gratitude sticks. Because at the end of the day, people don’t just want paychecks and pizza parties — they want to feel seen, paid, and respected (Entry #49: The Actual Perks People Want).

Even my daughters know this. Anna beams when I say thank you for helping with dinner. Haley rolls her eyes like it doesn’t matter, but I see the corners of her mouth give her away. And Ash, our dog, wags her whole body for a simple “good girl.” Proof that affirmation works across all species — and that sometimes the best leadership lessons come on four legs (Entry #42: What My Dog Knows About Leadership).

So here’s your homework: Do a gratitude audit. Who hasn’t heard a thank you from you lately? Fix that today. End your week with one thank-you email, text, or handwritten note. Watch what happens.

Big Girl Panties Diaries Rule: Don’t underestimate the power of a genuine “thank you.” It’s not small talk—it’s leadership.