Big Girl Panties Diaries Entry #92: Overthinking: Why We Do It (and What to Do When It Won’t Shut Up)
I can overthink brushing my teeth. I can rewrite a three-sentence text 12 times. I can have a conversation and then spiral for 48 hours wondering if I sounded “too much,” “not enough,” or just plain weird.
So let’s talk about it. Not just the exhausting mental gymnastics—but the why. And more importantly, how we stop handing the mic to the anxious narrator in our heads who always thinks the worst-case scenario is the most likely one.
Why We Overthink
(Blame It on the Brain. And Control. And That One Time in 7th Grade.)
Overthinking is our brain's not-so-cute attempt at keeping us safe. It’s like a nervous little bodyguard that can’t tell the difference between real danger and the discomfort of uncertainty.
Here’s what’s usually hiding under all that mental noise:
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Fear of judgment – “If I say the wrong thing, I’ll lose connection.”
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Need for control – “If I think through every scenario, I won’t be blindsided.”
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Perfectionism in disguise – “If I get it just right, I’ll finally feel enough.”
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Unhealed wounds – “Last time this happened, I got hurt. Let me protect myself from that again.”
It’s self-protection, but it often feels like self-sabotage. Because instead of feeling safe, we feel stuck.
Overthinking’s Favorite Setting? Default Mode.
When your brain isn’t actively doing something, it defaults to what’s called the Default Mode Network (DMN). It loves to pull up embarrassing highlight reels and create imaginary disasters.
So when you’re not busy, your brain’s like:
“Let’s revisit that awkward comment from 2016. And while we’re at it, let’s rehearse five ways your next conversation could go horribly wrong.”
How relaxing.
Overthinking at Work: When Clarity Is the Real Cure
Overthinking thrives in silence. Especially at work.
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Your team doesn’t know where they stand? They’ll fill the gap with fear.
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You waffle instead of deciding? You just gave everyone permission to spin.
Clarity is not just kind—it’s efficient.
If you’re a leader:
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Stop overloading people with options. Decision fatigue is real.
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Overthinking often masquerades as “being thorough.” Sometimes you just need to pick and move.
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Create psychological safety so perfectionism doesn’t become a team sport.
You don’t need more time to think. You need courage to act.
Meet the Inner Cast of Overthinking
Let’s give some names to the voices in your head:
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Catastrophina: She’s sure it’s all going to implode. Any minute now.
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Miss Rewind: Replays every convo and whispers, “Was that weird?”
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Captain Control Freak: Thinks if you just try hard enough, nothing bad will happen.
They’re not evil. They’re just scared. But they do not get to run the meeting.
Personality + Attachment = Spiral Fuel
I’m an ISTJ. A Maximizer. An oldest child. That’s a trifecta for spiraling over a text that says “Can we chat?”
Now throw in an anxious attachment style?
If you’ve ever reread a message five times and concluded someone hates you because they said “k.” instead of “okay”… welcome. You’re in good company.
Awareness doesn’t fix it. But it does help you stop blaming yourself for being “too sensitive” when really? You’re just deeply wired to read between the lines.
You can’t interrupt what you don’t name.
A Quick Reset Toolkit for When You’re Spiraling
1. Name the Loop Ask: Am I problem-solving or looping? If it’s just looping, hit pause. You’re not thinking—you’re suffering.
2. Drop Into the Body Go for a walk. Stretch. Shake it out. Thinking isn’t always the answer. Movement often is.
3. Pick the Next Tiny Step Not the best step. Not the perfect one. Just the next one.
4. Speak It Out Loud Say it to someone safe. Text it. Voice note it. Let it breathe outside your head.
5. Create a “Thought Parking Lot” Write it down. Walk away. Let the storm pass before you go rebuild the whole town.
Screenshot These: Thought Reframes for Your Brain’s Meltdowns
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“This is a thought, not a fact.”
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“Overthinking won’t make it come out better.”
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“I don’t have to figure it all out today.”
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“If I can’t trust the outcome, I can still trust myself.”
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“Done is kinder than perfect.”
Final Thoughts from the Overthinking Hall of Fame
You are not crazy. You are not broken. You are not too much.
You just have a brain that’s trying to keep you safe. And sometimes that brain needs a snack, a nap, and a sticky note that says:
“You don’t have to figure it all out right now.”
🩲 Big Girl Panties Rule:
Don’t let your thoughts play DJ if they’re only spinning breakup songs.
Craving more?
These might help (or at least make you laugh-cry in solidarity):
Entry #90 – Finding Space When Anxiety Binds You Tight Entry #78 – 3 A.M. Knows Things You Don’t Entry #58 – “Not Enough” Is a Liar (But She’s Very Convincing) Entry #27 – Control Freak Chic: My Favorite Illusion Entry #69 – It’s Not You, It’s My Attachment Style (But It’s Also a Little You) Entry #10 – Yes, I Overpacked—But I’m Learning to Travel Lighter (Even at Work)