Big Girl Panties Diaries - Entry #8 Say It, Show It, Mean It: A Love Language Survival Guide for Work

I’m a words of affirmation kinda girl.

Tell me I nailed that change plan. Say, “You saved the day.” Bonus points if it’s in writing, with exclamation points, and maybe an emoji if you’re feeling wild. I don’t need a plaque or a LinkedIn endorsement—just a solid “You crushed it” and I’m basically your ride or die.

But here’s the plot twist: I don’t give love the same way I want to receive it. Nope. I’m a gifter. Give me a reason (or no reason at all), and I’ll find the perfect little something to say, I appreciate you. A handwritten note, a surprise Starbucks, a box of yummy chocolates, or a thoughtfully planned experience to celebrate a win—my favorite was taking the team to the Museum of Ice Cream. Sweet treat, sweet memories. That’s my jam.

So here’s my theory: We each have a giving and receiving love language—and they’re not always a matched set. Also: anyone who says they’re only “one type” is probably lying or hasn’t had a decent lunch.

We are all a blend. A love language cocktail—shaken, not stirred, with a twist of unmet expectations. For me, words are #1, but quality time is coming in hot. Give me 20 minutes of undivided attention, and I will emotionally adopt you.

And let’s be real—this matters a lot at work.

Some people give love by quietly fixing your presentation at 11 p.m. Others receive it by being left alone with no surprise meetings. One person wants a team lunch. Another wants to be publicly recognized. And someone else just wants you to respond to their email without ghosting them for six business days.

This is why so many workplace dynamics feel off. We assume people feel appreciated the way we do. They don’t.

It’s taken me years to realize that when someone skips the “thank you” but hands you more responsibility—that was the compliment. When someone doesn’t say a word but stocks your favorite LaCroix in the fridge? That’s love, baby. When a colleague sends you a Starbucks gift “For keeping me sane today”? I nearly cried.

And don’t get me started on Teams meetings. Give me some one-on-one time to actually talk like humans, and I’ll feel more seen than a 37-person gallery view ever could.

I’ve started noticing this at home too. Hailey, like me, is all about words and presence. Anna? She’s physical touch. Always has been. Hugs. Hand-holding. The sweet little squeeze of your arm when she senses you're having a rough day. If I tried to love her with long emotional texts, she’d just blink at me and ask what’s for dinner.

Watching them has reminded me of the most underrated love language of all: paying attention.

And recently, one of my brilliant friends shared something that took this whole idea to the next level: What if we all had a User Manual for how to work with us?

Imagine handing your boss or teammates a one-pager that says:

• Here’s how I thrive

• Here’s how I shut down

• These are my pet peeves

• This is my leadership style

• Please don’t send me a Teams invite with no context and then stare silently

• Also: praise is always welcome, sarcasm is not personal, and I require snacks at 3 p.m.

It’s the professional equivalent of love languages meets boundary-setting—and it’s wildly helpful, especially if you're someone (hi again) who secretly hopes people will just figure it out through subtle cues, over-functioning, or vibe-based telepathy.

So if you're reading this and thinking, “Wait...maybe I am giving people the wrong manual,” you’re not alone. We all are, sometimes.

Because the truth is, you can’t love people well—or lead them well—if you’re only speaking your own language. You have to learn theirs. You have to try. And honestly? That trying speaks volumes.

So, what’s your work love language? And are you giving everyone else the same one you wish they'd give you?

Big Girl Panties Rule: Know your love language—then brace yourself for the fact that no one else will read the manual unless you hand it to them.

(And seriously… can we make workplace user manuals a thing?)

#BigGirlPantiesDiaries #Leadership #WorkLoveLanguage #EmployeeExperience #EmotionalIntelligence #HumanAtWork #TeamDynamics #CommunicationStyles