Big Girl Panties Diaries - Entry #67: The Lies My Brain Tells Me When I’m Disappointed

I hate disappointment. Not the mild “they forgot my Starbucks order” kind — I mean the kind that gets under your skin, rewrites the script in your head, and whispers on repeat: You’re not enough.

It starts when something I was looking forward to doesn’t happen the way I pictured. Plans fall through. Someone doesn’t show up the way I hoped. And instead of pausing to consider the hundred perfectly reasonable explanations, my brain takes the express train to Worst-Case Station.

• They don’t value you.

• You must have done something wrong.

• If you were truly worth it, they’d make more effort.

Sound familiar? Yeah — it’s the same voice I wrote about in Not Enough Is a Liar. She’s sneaky. She doesn’t just knock when you’re feeling low — she moves in, redecorates, and tries to convince you she’s telling the truth.

Case in point: I was looking forward to catching up with someone I hadn’t seen in a while. We’d talked about meeting, compared calendars, even tossed around a couple of dates. Then… nothing concrete. Suddenly my brain was writing a three-act drama about how clearly I’d overestimated our connection, they probably had better people to see, and why did I ever think I mattered that much? (Oscar nominations pending.)

Spoiler: there were a dozen possible reasons the plan didn’t land — travel schedules, logistics, actual life happening — and none of them involved my worth as a human being. But in the moment? My brain refused to hear it.

The thing is, this spiral doesn’t just live in personal relationships. It sneaks into the workplace too.

• You’re left out of a meeting.

• Your idea doesn’t get recognized.

• A promotion you were sure was yours goes to someone else.

Suddenly you’re not just disappointed — you’re questioning your worth.

Here’s what I’m learning (slowly, painfully, and probably on repeat):

1. Pause before you narrate. That first story your brain serves up? It’s usually a lie dressed up as fact.

2. Separate action from intention. Sometimes things happen because of timing, logistics, or priorities that have nothing to do with your value.

3. Ask, don’t assume. Clarity is less exhausting than carrying a false narrative.

4. Remember the receipts. Your worth doesn’t evaporate because of one no, one missed call, or one changed plan.

Disappointment is unavoidable. Letting it turn into a full-blown “I’m not enough” episode? That’s optional.

Big Girl Panties Rule: You can’t stop the first pang of disappointment — but you can stop your brain from letting “Not Enough” drive the car.