Big Girl Panties Diaries – Entry #61: When “Not That” Is Still a Win (Even If It’s Not the Answer You Wanted)
Sometimes relief and disappointment show up to the same appointment.
Today, Hailey had a four-hour evaluation with a neuromuscular specialist. We’ve been chasing down the cause of her persistent arm pain like detectives without a clue. After countless scans, labs, referrals, and hypotheses, this was the latest (and maybe last?) expert on the list.
The result? No nerve damage.
And I almost cried—from relief… and exhaustion.
Because even though we didn’t get a “here’s what it is,” we got a definitive “here’s what it’s not.” And ruling something out matters—especially when it rules out something scary.
Still, it’s a weird kind of victory. Like winning a game you didn’t know you were playing, only to realize you’re still stuck in the maze.
Ruling Out Is Still Moving Forward
I’ve become a professional patient advocate—chasing specialists, managing portals, decoding medical jargon, and still not finding a why. It’s like being handed a map where every road says “Not it.”
The mental load isn’t just remembering appointments or filling out new patient forms. It’s the constant calculation of hope versus disappointment. It’s trying to be strong for your kid while quietly Googling worst-case scenarios at midnight.
And watching Hailey manage all this with quiet strength and grace—well, that’s both beautiful and gutting. It breaks something inside me every time I have to say, “They still don’t know.”
The Strength It Takes to Stay
We love stories with answers. Diagnosis. Closure. A tidy ending wrapped in understanding. But real life doesn’t always give you that. Sometimes, the strongest thing you can do is keep searching when no one can tell you where to look.
It takes a different kind of grit to show up to the tenth appointment with the same determination you had at the first. To keep asking questions no one knows how to answer. To keep hoping, even when you're tired of hoping.
So today, I’m choosing to count this “not that” as a win. One more mystery, yes. But one less monster under the bed.
BGPD Rule: Ruling something out isn’t a dead end—it’s one less thing standing in your way.
📖 Related Reads from the Big Girl Panties Diaries
If you're navigating uncertainty, carrying the emotional weight of caregiving, or just tired of hearing “we don’t know yet,” these might speak to you too:
🔗 Entry #60: Am I Too Old for Roller Coasters? (And Other Lies Fear Tells Me) Because parenting through fear is still parenting. This one’s about courage, motion sickness, and what it means to hold space for someone else’s bravery.
🔗 Entry #56: Freedom Looks Good on Me (Even If It Took Me a While to Try It On) Letting go can feel like losing control. But sometimes the real power comes from unclenching—and surrendering to what is.
🔗 Entry #12: Leading Through Without a Map What do you do when there’s no clear path forward? You keep walking anyway. This one’s for the leaders, moms, and humans doing their best in the dark.
🔗 Entry #54: The Five Words I Build My Life Around A reminder that values—like love, safety, and family—can anchor you, even when the facts can’t.
🔗 Entry #58: Not Enough Is a Liar (But She’s Very Convincing) For the days when you're doing everything and still wondering if it’s enough. (Spoiler: it is.)
🔗 Entry #57: Safe Doesn’t Mean Boring What does safety actually look like? Sometimes it’s clarity. Sometimes it’s trust. And sometimes, it’s just someone showing up.
💬 What about you?
Anyone else in the middle of a slow-motion mystery—medical or otherwise? What have you ruled out lately that felt like a win?