Big Girl Panties Diaries: Entry #58 – “Not Enough” Is a Liar (But She’s Very Convincing)
Some days, she whispers. Other days, she screams.
That voice. The one that says: You’re falling behind. You should be doing more. You’re not smart enough. Or thin enough. Or patient enough. Or whatever enough. You're too loud. Too quiet. Too emotional. Too distant. Too much and somehow still not enough.
We don’t invite her in—this voice—but she shows up anyway. Usually when we’re tired. Or vulnerable. Or brave enough to try something new.
For me, it’s:
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When I open an email marked “quick feedback” and brace for impact before I’ve even read it.
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When I scroll past someone’s highlight reel on LinkedIn and forget that filters apply to careers too.
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When I miss another school email or appointment because my brain is triaging medical paperwork in six portals that don’t talk to each other.
Instead of seeing all that juggling as effort, I interpret the fatigue as failure. I make my exhaustion mean something about my worth.
And it’s sneaky, right? The way “I’m doing my best” gets twisted into “I should be doing better.” The way we weaponize self-awareness into self-criticism. The way we think we’re the only ones feeling like impostors in a room full of perfectly curated confidence.
It happens at work too. In leadership, especially. When your superpower is managing chaos, but suddenly the chaos feels unmanageable. When you’ve trained yourself to anticipate everything—and still miss something. When the bar you set for yourself keeps rising... and your inner critic keeps score.
Here’s what she loves to say when I’m spiraling:
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“You’re too late.”
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“You missed your chance.”
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“Everyone else figured it out already.”
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“You’re replaceable.”
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“You’re the only one struggling.”
But here’s the truth I keep learning (and re-learning): “Not enough” is not a diagnosis. It’s a distortion. It’s the echo of old beliefs and impossible standards we never signed up for—but absorbed anyway. It’s the static between who we are and who we think we should be.
And it’s so darn loud in the silence.
The other day, I caught my reflection in a Teams meeting. Tired eyes. Tight jaw. Shoulder tension that’s become a personality trait. I didn’t see a failure—I saw someone trying so hard to be everything for everyone. No wonder she’s tired.
So, here's what I'm practicing:
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Speaking to myself the way I’d speak to my daughters.
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Letting rest be productive. Letting good enough be enough.
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Challenging the lies—even out loud if I have to.
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Remembering that presence > perfection. That honesty > image.
Because you know what?
Big Girl Panties Diaries Rule: Your worth isn’t measured by your output or your inbox. You are not a project to optimize.
You are not behind. You are not broken. You are not alone. You are not too much. And you have nothing to prove to a voice that was never yours to begin with.
If today all you did was keep going—you did enough. And maybe that means you are enough too. (Especially on the days when you don’t feel like it.)
Because here’s your reminder—again, for the people in the back:
💬 When was the last time you felt “not enough”? What helped you rewrite the script—or at least hit pause on the self-doubt? Let’s normalize the messy middle.
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