Big Girl Panties Diaries - Entry #5 The Apology You’ll Never Get (and Don’t Need)
At some point, we all learn this uncomfortable truth: Closure is a luxury, not a guarantee.
Sometimes the people who hurt you will never acknowledge it. The colleague who took credit. The leader who let you go and never looked you in the eye. The doctor who dismissed you. The one who sold you a version of themselves they had no intention of being.
You wait. For the apology. For the conversation. For the moment where they finally say, “You were right. You deserved better.”
You want an apology for being treated disrespectfully. For being taken advantage of. For giving loyalty and trust to someone who didn’t offer it in return. And maybe, most of all, for doubting yourself because of their behavior.
And then one day, you stop waiting.
The truth I’ve learned is this: Many times, people don’t have the courage to give that apology. Not because you didn’t deserve it—but because they feel guilt, or shame, or fear what they’d have to confront in themselves to say it out loud. That’s on them—not you.
That’s when the real healing begins.
Because closure doesn’t come from their words—it comes from your decision to move forward without them.
This emotional journey we travel through? Totally natural. From denial to anger to eventual acceptance—if we let ourselves go there. And here’s the irony that makes me laugh: I teach change management… and yet, sometimes I have to turn around and change-manage myself. Apparently, awareness really is the first step. And sometimes? That final step takes a while. I know—because I’ve been there. And I’m guessing you have too.
What makes it even harder is how clearly we can see it in others… but not always in ourselves. When we’re in it, the emotions feel messy and loud. Anger might rise to the surface, but underneath it? There’s often hurt, fear, and deep frustration. And it all deserves to be felt—before it can be released.
The amount of time and energy I’ve spent replaying these situations? Honestly, it makes me want to vomit. But I guess that’s the price of healing. And if you’re like me—you finally reach your breaking point and say it: ENOUGH.
I’ve been there. In both personal and professional chapters where I thought, “Surely they’ll make this right.” But they didn’t. And maybe they won’t. And here I am—still standing. Still growing. Still clearing space for what’s next.
Here’s the part no one tells you: You can forgive someone without letting them back in. You can move on without understanding every detail. And you can be at peace knowing that some apologies are just not coming.
Especially in the workplace, we’re conditioned to keep things polite. To not make waves. To turn the other cheek. But let’s be honest—sometimes “professionalism” becomes a muzzle. And we sit with unresolved hurt, calling it “just part of the job.”
Well, I’ve learned that silence isn’t closure. And niceness isn’t the same as healing.
So I stopped waiting.
And I started reclaiming my story—without the apology I thought I needed.
Here’s what I know now:
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Peace doesn’t require permission.
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Not every ending comes with understanding—and that’s okay.
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Accountability is powerful—but it’s not mine to force.
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Sometimes, walking away is the closure.
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The apology I wanted? I gave it to myself.
If you’re still holding your breath, hoping they’ll make it right—this is your reminder: You don’t need their words to write your next chapter.
You’ve already got the pen.
Big Girl Panties Rule:
You don’t need an apology to heal. You need self-respect, boundaries, and the courage to move forward anyway.
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