Big Girl Panties Diaries: Entry #46 Mirror, Mirror on the Wall… Turns Out I Wasn’t the Problem After All
It wasn’t a dramatic moment. No outbursts. No exit interviews. Just a quiet shift in tone. A pause in energy. A subtle tension that settled in without explanation.
And because I’m a meaning-maker by nature, I did what any emotionally fluent overthinker would do: I held up the mirror.
Was it something I said in that meeting? Was my feedback too direct? Did I take up too much space—or not enough?
The Problem with Mirrors
Here’s the tricky thing about mirrors: they reflect what’s already in front of them. They don’t filter it. They don’t soften the edges. They just show what’s there—clearly.
But not everyone wants to see things clearly.
Especially at work, where emotional discomfort is often repackaged as “feedback,” “fit,” or “not the right tone.”
You Might Be the Mirror If…
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You ask questions that make people pause (and sometimes squirm).
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You value clarity over comfort.
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You’ve been called “too intense,” “too honest,” or “a little much.”
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People come to you privately for the truth—but publicly keep their distance.
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You notice the energy shift when you speak up in a room.
Spoiler: It’s not a flaw. It’s a feature.
Reflection ≠ Rejection
Sometimes you show up with openness and honesty—thinking you’re building trust or connection. But instead, you become a mirror someone wasn’t ready to look into.
They saw something uncomfortable staring back. Not because you were unkind. But because you were clear. And clarity can be confronting when people are still clinging to fog.
Just don’t confuse being a mirror with being the main character. Not every awkward pause is your cue to self-destruct.
Funhouse Feedback Is a Thing
Let’s be real—some folks don’t want a mirror. They want a funhouse. Something that stretches the truth just enough to make them look taller, smarter, softer, safer.
And when you show up with 4K honesty and zero distortion? Suddenly you’re the problem. Funny how that works.
A Tiny (Too-Real) Skit From a While Back...
“I just think your tone was a little… sharp,” she said, after I asked the exact same question our VP had asked— just in flats instead of a suit.
(Narrator voice: It wasn’t the tone. It was the truth.)
When You’re the Mirror, Here’s What to Do:
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Stay grounded. Not every reaction is about you.
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Be kind, not smaller. You don’t need to dim your light to make others feel brighter.
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Let clarity be your compass. If your truth makes someone flinch, that’s information—not a personal failure.
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Keep showing up. You can be both honest and compassionate. Bold and respectful.
What the Mirror Taught Me
Eventually, I stopped trying to shrink to avoid someone else’s discomfort. I realized:
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Not everyone wants a mirror.
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Some people prefer the funhouse—warped, flattering, and easy.
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Others simply aren’t ready for reflection without distortion.
And that’s not personal. It’s just where they are.
The right people? They won’t flinch when you show up with honesty. They won’t fear your light—or your clarity. They’ll stand beside you, eyes wide open, mirrors held high.
Big Girl Panties Rule:
Don’t shrink to avoid someone else’s blurry reflection. If you’re a mirror—own it. Reflect light. Reflect truth. And when the right people look back? They’ll see you clearly, too.
And one more thing: You weren’t “too much.” You were just the first person brave enough to hold up the mirror— and not look away.
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Call to Action:
🪞 Ever had someone flinch at your clarity? Been treated like a liability for simply being honest? Drop a comment—I want to hear from my fellow truth-tellers.