Big Girl Panties Diaries - Entry #24 - Positivity for Grown-Ups: The Messy Middle
I used to think positivity was about ignoring the bad stuff. Pretending the monster in the closet wasn’t real — or at least duct-taping a “good vibes only” sign over the door.
But real positivity — the kind I’ve come to trust — is grittier than that. It’s the steady voice in the dark that says: Yes, this is hard. Yes, it might get harder. And yes, you can do this anyway.
When my daughter Hailey got sick with long covid, (entry #1) my idea of optimism got a reality check. There’s no amount of “think positive” that makes chronic illness vanish. But hope? Hope is a different animal. It lives in test results that come back better than expected, in new treatments, in the way we keep showing up for each other when we’re exhausted.
That’s where the middle path comes in.
I’ve learned that staying positive doesn’t mean living on either extreme: it’s not doom and gloom, but it’s not toxic positivity either. It’s standing right in the tension — letting both hope and disappointment breathe.
Sometimes the middle path looks like celebrating a 75% — because the girl who earned it missed five months of school but showed up anyway. Sometimes it means college might not look like what we thought — but that doesn’t make her life any less valuable or bright. She wants to help others with what she has and we will find a way!
It’s not always big stuff, either. Sometimes the middle path shows up in little moments: Dinner burned but everyone’s laughing at the table. The project tanked but the team learned something that’ll save our butts next time. Small reminders that good still lives here — even when the plan falls apart.
The middle path is permission to live in the “and”: I can be proud and frustrated. I can be grieving and grateful. I can be scared and hopeful.
And listen — my middle path still has potholes. I trip over them regularly. Sometimes I’m doomscrolling one minute and building a gratitude shrine the next. Balance, right?
Big Girl Panties Rule:
Real positivity lives on the middle path. It’s not pretending the darkness doesn’t exist — it’s remembering the light does too.
How to walk your middle path:
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Notice when you’re clinging to an old picture of how things should be.
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Ask: What does “good enough” look like right now, given what you’re carrying?
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Let yourself pivot. The dream can evolve — you can, too.
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Find people who can stand in the tension with you, without trying to fix it.
I’ve learned this the messy way — over test scores, hospital beds, and reimagined dreams. I’m still learning it. But every step I take down this middle path, my Big Girl Panties get stronger.
Hope lives here. Right alongside the hard. So, where could you give yourself permission to stand in that messy middle today?
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