Big Girl Panties Diaries - Entry #0: The Power of Clear and Kind Conversations

Last week, I had one of those heart-to-heart conversations with my closest friends, the kind where you can be your authentic self and be brutally honest about everything happening in your life. The truth is the past few months have been extremely difficult. Lately, I've found myself navigating a season of tough conversations, both in my personal and professional life. Whether it's negotiating workplace dynamics or addressing personal boundaries, these discussions have become more frequent—and more necessary.

When I was younger, I would have avoided these moments at all costs, preferring the comfort of silence over the discomfort of confrontation. But as I've grown, I've learned something important: avoiding the conversation doesn't make the problem go away. In fact, it usually does the opposite.

What I’ve come to realize is that there’s incredible power in having difficult conversations—but not just any kind. I’m talking about conversations that are both clear and kind. They aren’t about "winning" or making others feel small. They’re about advocating for myself, standing up for my values, and giving others the chance to do the same.

Finding My Voice

In recent years, I’ve become more comfortable being uncomfortable. I’ve learned to speak up when something feels off, whether it’s a professional disagreement, a situation where I feel I’m being taken advantage of or advocating for someone who can’t speak for themselves.

Don’t get me wrong—there are days when these conversations are emotionally exhausting. But the fear of them? That, I’ve let go of. Here’s how I’ve come to approach difficult discussions:

• Identify what I want from the conversation. Sometimes, all I want is to be heard. Other times, it’s about driving change or establishing a boundary.

• Consider what the other person wants. A good conversation goes both ways. Empathy is key.

• Separate facts from opinions. It’s easy to let emotions cloud judgment, but approaching conversations from a place of clarity helps immensely.

• Respectfully share my perspective. It’s not just what you say, but how you say it.

• Ask for what I need. Whether it’s more support, recognition, or space, I’ve learned to be clear in my asks.

• Pressure test the conversation. Surround yourself with the people who want the best for you. Ask for their feedback and their support and thank them for showing up for you.

• Evaluate if it’s worth my time. Not every battle is worth fighting, and not every conversation needs to happen.

After the Conversation

How do I feel after? Usually better. Sometimes, the simple act of expressing what’s been weighing on me is enough to bring relief. Letting those thoughts out into the universe feels like a release. Does it always go the way I want? No. And that’s okay.

What matters is that I spoke up.

The Message

My hope is that I can set a good example for my girls and help more people will feel empowered to find their voice. You are your best advocate. It’s time we normalize speaking up—not to be combative or aggressive, but to be honest and assertive. Don’t stay silent for the sake of avoiding discomfort, and don’t let fear hold you back from addressing what needs to be said.

Put on your big girl panties and set those boundaries in clear and kind ways. Prepare for the conversation, but also be prepared to listen. Not every conversation is easy, but it’s worth the effort to have them.

After all, tough conversations may not always go the way you hope, but they’ll always get you closer to being heard, respected, and understood.