Big Girl Panties Diaries - Entry #87 - The Worrier Suffers Twice: Acceptance Is the Path to Peace

Emotional ResilienceCalmfidenceLeadership & The Human...

Sep 3

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There’s a saying I can’t shake: the worrier suffers twice.

Once in the anticipation. And again in the living.

I’ve done my fair share of both. My mind runs fast, rehearsing all the possible scenarios: the setback that could come, the phone call that might deliver bad news, the meeting that could unravel. Each time, my body feels the weight as though it’s already happening. By the time reality shows up—whether it’s hard or not—I’ve already carried it twice.

The Body Keeps Score

Worry doesn’t just sit quietly in your head. It takes up residence in your body. For me, it’s tight shoulders, shallow breaths, and restless nights. I wake up bracing for impact. Acceptance feels different. My chest softens. My breath steadies. I can sleep, even if tomorrow still holds uncertainty. It’s not about pretending everything’s fine—it’s about allowing my body and mind to stop fighting shadows.

Learning the Hard Way

When my daughter’s illness first began, I lived in the land of “what if.” What if she doesn’t recover? What if school is impossible? What if this changes her life forever?

Those questions weren’t just thoughts—they were a storm I carried in my chest.

The turning point wasn’t a single moment, but a slow shift. Acceptance found me in the quiet—watching her laugh with her sister, or resting without pain, or even just breathing deeply after a hard day. It was the realization that while I couldn’t control tomorrow, I could be present today.

Acceptance didn’t mean I liked it. It didn’t mean I stopped advocating or fighting for her care. It simply meant I stopped fighting reality itself. I stopped demanding that life look different than it did in that moment. And in that surrender, I found space to breathe.

What Leaders Forget

The same dynamic plays out at work. Leaders (myself included) are often guilty of “pre-suffering.” We project the worst-case scenario and carry the pain long before anything unfolds. But here’s the catch: people watch us. Teams take their cue from our energy. When we spiral in “what ifs,” we don’t just carry it ourselves—we spread it.

Acceptance as a leader isn’t about ignoring problems or lowering the bar. It’s about naming the truth with calmness: “This is hard. Here’s where we are. Here’s our next step.” That kind of grounded presence gives people courage. It steadies the room.

A Practice in Real Time

I’ve been experimenting with a simple pause when worry starts to run wild:

Ask: Is this happening right now?
If not, I breathe. I come back to what’s in front of me: the conversation, the task, the cup of coffee cooling on my desk.

It doesn’t erase the future—but it keeps me from dragging it into the present before it belongs there.

Images That Stick

Worry is like packing two suitcases for the same trip. You only ever need one, but you haul the extra weight anyway. Or like paying for a storm you might never walk through. Either way, you’ve depleted yourself before the real journey even begins.

The Strongest Teacher

My daughter has been my greatest teacher in this. Her resilience, her ability to laugh even when her body betrays her, is a daily reminder that peace is possible in the middle of struggle. She doesn’t waste much energy on “what if”—she’s too busy living the “what is.” And I’m learning to follow her lead.

A Thread Through It All

Looking back, I realize this lesson has been tucked into other chapters I’ve written:

I didn’t see it clearly at the time, but it’s been here all along: peace isn’t about controlling the future. It’s about accepting the present.

Big Girl Panties Rule: Don’t pay double on pain. Acceptance is the only discount worth taking.