Big Girl Panties Diaries — Entry #83: What Happens When You Forget Your Worth

Do you ever notice how easy it is to put a discount sticker on yourself? Not literally—though Target has seen me humble enough in the clearance aisle. I’m talking about the invisible markdowns we give away when we over-accommodate, over-explain, or over-give in relationships and at work.

I’ve spent too many years treating my worth like it depended on whether people liked me, approved of me, or needed me. That’s People Pleaser math: If I give enough, you’ll stay. If I stay quiet, you won’t leave. If I say yes, I’ll be safe.

But here’s the truth: discounts don’t make you more valuable. They just make you cheaper.

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In Professional Life

At work, people-pleasing looks like saying yes to every project, every “quick favor,” every late-night email. You wear exhaustion like a badge and secretly hope someone will notice how much you’re doing. Spoiler alert: they won’t. They’ll just keep stacking the pile higher.

I had to learn the hard way that worth isn’t measured in how much I can juggle—it’s measured in the value I bring. And sometimes, the most valuable thing you can say is, “No. That’s not mine to carry.”

(See also Entry #58: “Not Enough Is a Liar (But She’s Very Convincing)”—because when you know your worth, you stop letting “not enough” drive the bus.)

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In Personal Life

In relationships, people-pleasing sounds like laughing when something isn’t funny, swallowing hurt instead of naming it, or putting someone else’s comfort miles ahead of your own peace. You become a contortionist, twisting yourself into someone else’s “easier to love” version.

But here’s the catch: if someone only values the discounted version of you, they were never shopping for you in the first place.

(This pairs with Entry #69: “It’s Not You, It’s My Attachment Style (But It’s Also a Little You)”—because bending yourself into a shape that feels “safe” usually comes at the cost of being real.)

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The Shift

Knowing your worth means you stop handing out markdowns. It doesn’t mean arrogance—it means alignment. It means honoring your time, your voice, your needs without apology. It means trading people-pleasing for boundary-keeping.

And let me tell you, boundaries are sexy. They say: This is who I am. Take it or leave it. And the right people? The ones worth your energy? They’ll take it. Gladly.

(See Entry #55: “What Your Energy Says When You’re Not Speaking”—because your boundaries tell the room who you are before you even say a word.)

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Big Girl Panties Diaries Rule: Stop putting yourself on sale. The full-price you is already worth it.

Because let’s be honest—your worth isn’t hanging on a clearance rack. You belong on display at a high-end retailer, full price, no markdowns. The kind of piece that makes people stop, stare, and know: that’s the real thing.