Big Girl Panties Diaries — Entry #80: The Sting Is Real
You know that moment when something small hits harder than it should? A comment. A look. A meeting you weren’t invited to but should have been.
It’s not a punch in the face. It’s not even a shove. It’s a sting. But man, the sting is real.
Why the Little Things Hurt More
Big life events—job loss, medical diagnoses, major change—come with an obvious “armor up” moment. (See: Not Enough Is a Liar.) You know you’re walking into a battle, so you grab your shield.
But stings? They’re sneak attacks. They show up in the middle of a good day and bypass your rational brain entirely, landing right in the soft spots you thought you’d already healed.
And here’s the kicker—they often hurt because they clash with the story you thought you were in. (See: Expectation Hangover.) It’s not just the sting—it’s the gap between how you believed things were and the reality that just showed up.
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Maybe I’m not as valued here as I thought.
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Maybe they don’t really know me.
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Maybe they never will.
When the Sting Lingers
Your brain has a PhD in spiraling. One sting turns into a TED Talk on everything that’s wrong with your life.
It’s the emotional equivalent of having one mosquito bite and deciding you’re being eaten alive in the Amazon jungle.
We replay it at 2 a.m., adding supporting evidence from the last 10 years until the sting becomes the story.
What I’m Learning to Do Instead
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Name it, don’t narrate it. “That hurt” is very different from “This means I’m failing.”
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Pause before responding. Stings make us reactive. Give it 24 hours—you might still address it, but without the regret hangover.
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Ask: Is this about them or me? Most stings are about someone else’s behavior, not your worth.
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Decide if it needs a boundary or a band-aid. Not every sting needs a confrontation. But every sting deserves your own acknowledgment.
Flip the Sting
Here’s what I’ve learned: the sting is just a flare. It’s pointing to where something needs attention—maybe healing, maybe a new boundary, maybe a reminder that your worth doesn’t live in someone else’s approval.
And when you look at it that way? The sting isn’t the end of the story. It’s the start of a better one.
The Big Girl Panties Rule
If it stings, it’s speaking—listen close before you scratch.