Big Girl Panties Diaries - Entry #28: Why Aren’t You More Bubbly?
Why aren’t you more bubbly?” It’s usually asked with a half-smile — like they’re offering helpful feedback on your personality. As if your default setting should be carbonated. Fizzing over with small talk and exclamation points.
When I graduated college, it was during the recession (I know, I’m dating myself). My first job was for a dying shopping mall. I was in charge of marketing and specialty leasing — think: promotions to drive non-existent traffic and dressing the windows of empty stores so they didn’t look so… abandoned. My boss? Let’s just say I still have nightmares — but that’s a story for another day.
One of her biggest pet peeves with me? I wasn’t “bubbly enough” — not like my predecessor. And since I had the luxury of training with that predecessor (we absolutely loathed each other — also another story for another day), the comparison was constant.
Side note: The mall still died. Turns out forced cheer doesn’t sell more pretzels when the anchor stores are ghost towns.
All things aside — I knew I wasn’t bubbly. Me trying to be bubbly felt fake. I was kind. I was respectful. I was shy at the time, but I was also real.
Funny how “bubbly” gets coded as “good attitude” when half the time it’s just performance. Real engagement isn’t always sparkly — sometimes it’s just steady, thoughtful, and true. Funny how nobody asks men to be more bubbly — we just call them “focused” or “stoic.”
Back then, I thought maybe I just needed to “fake it till I make it.” Turns out, faking fizz just made me tired — and resentful. And here’s the thing: when you fake fizz long enough, you start to wonder if the real you is enough. Spoiler: it is.
Here’s what I’ve learned since then: Being “bubbly” isn’t a requirement for being warm. Or kind. Or good.
Some of us show up soft-spoken, steady, observant. Some of us hold space for big feelings and awkward pauses. Some of us don’t fill the room with chatter — we listen, we think, we notice the stuff that lives under the surface.
Bubbly people are great. Stoic people are great. Earnest, dry-humored, mellow, sarcastic — all valid. But the world has a funny habit of praising women especially when we’re easy to digest: smiling, giggling, agreeable, never too much or too little.
I’m not a soda can. I’m a cup of strong tea. Maybe it takes longer to warm up — but when I do, you’ll taste the depth.
Back then, I worried about not measuring up. Now? I know better. My calm presence is my strength — not a flaw to bubble-wrap. And if someone tries to tell me to “perk up” or “smile more”? I remind myself — they’re asking for the easy, sparkling version of me. But the real version — the one that listens deeply, thinks carefully, and shows up authentically — is better.
It’s like I wrote in “I Love People, I Just Don’t Want to See Them Right Now”: you can love people, hold space for them, and still protect your energy. I’m not cold. I’m just not carbonated.
If you really want a thriving team — stop expecting everyone to sparkle the same way. Depth doesn’t always come with confetti.
So no — I’m not going to be “more bubbly” just to make you comfortable. I’m going to keep being real. Sometimes that looks like warmth, sometimes it looks like quiet, sometimes it looks like boundaries.
And the best people? They don’t ask you to be carbonated — they just want you to be true.
Ever been told to “smile more”? Or “lighten up”? Or “be more fun”? I see you. You’re plenty — fizz or no fizz. Drop your story below — no bubbles required.
Big Girl Panties Diaries Rule: Protect your energy. Keep your depth. Warmth isn’t measured in decibels. If they want constant bubbles, they can shake their own soda.
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