Big Girl Panties Diaries - Entry #26: Your Brain is Not Google — Just Ask
I can turn a two-minute conversation into a 48-hour mental marathon. A side-eye? I’ll replay it until I’m convinced you hate me. A short “K.” in a text? That’s at least three days of spiraling about whether I said too much, not enough, or just flat-out embarrassed myself.
Overthinking is my secret superpower and my biggest tormentor. My brain is basically a paranoid detective with an unlimited snack budget — sniffing out problems that don’t exist yet. It’s like living with an inner lawyer who never stops cross-examining every word, pause, and emoji. “Did they pause because they disagreed? Did I make it awkward? Should I clarify or just let it die?”
And it doesn’t just live in my brain — it camps out in my shoulders, my jaw, and my stomach too. Rent-free.
Where It Shows Up
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In meetings: “Did I overshare? Do they think I’m annoying? Should I have kept my mouth shut?”
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In friendships: “Are they pulling away, or am I imagining it? Should I check in? Will asking make it worse?”
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In texts: “Three dots … then they disappear. What did they delete? Was it about me?”
My brain loves to run these fake Google searches on a loop: “Are they mad at me or am I just dramatic?”
A Real-Life Spiral
One time I convinced myself that a friend was angry at me. I rehashed every conversation in my head, sure I’d done something wrong. Turns out they were just dealing with a family crisis — and my giant anxiety spiral? It wasn’t even about me.
Why We Do It
Overthinking is just our brain trying to protect us. If I analyze every angle, maybe I can prevent rejection. Maybe I can fix it before it breaks. Maybe I can control the outcome.
Funny how the more I spiral, the weirder I act — and suddenly the thing I feared becomes real. Self-sabotage? 10/10. Would not recommend.
And here’s the thing: people don’t always download communication the way it’s intended — and neither do I. Guilty. So half the time I’m spiraling over a version of what was said that only exists in my head.
And let’s be real: I know better — and I still spiral like it’s my part-time job. Progress, not perfection, right?
Spoiler: it never works. Overthinking doesn’t stop the thing I fear — it just robs me of the time and energy I could spend actually living, asking, or trusting people to tell me the truth.
What Helps
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Interrupt the spiral. I catch myself mid-loop and ask: “Do I even have enough facts to know this?”
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Name it out loud. I’ll say: “Hey, I’m overthinking this. Can we talk about it?” (Uncomfortable but effective — just like I wrote about in my Difficult Conversations piece: clarity beats mind-reading every time.)
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Check the mirror. Sometimes people’s behavior has nothing to do with me. And if I’ve learned anything, it’s that people don’t always download communication the way it’s intended — me included. Guilty. So instead of assuming, I ask.
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Remember: vague is a spiral’s best friend. We tiptoe around hard truths because we don’t want to offend — but guess what’s worse than an awkward question? A million imaginary answers.
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When all else fails: If you can’t text them, talk to them. If you can’t talk to them, let it go. That’s the whole rule.
Big Girl Panties Rule
Your brain is not Google. You can’t search your way to someone’s truth. Pull up your Big Girl Panties, ask the question, and get the real answer — even if it’s awkward. Overthinking is exhausting; clarity is free.
You do this too, right? Please tell me I’m not the only one with a fake mind courtroom.
So next time you catch yourself doing a late-night “What did they mean?” search — close the tab. Big Girl Panties on. Just ask.
And if you catch yourself spiraling again tomorrow? It’s okay. You’re human. Big Girl Panties on. Big grace, too.
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